Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
