The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
