You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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