i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.