I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.