i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
