If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?