ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.