so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables