We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sorry my hands just texted you
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
