so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
