dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
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