Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
