Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
