ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
