i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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