the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
