you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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