even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
