wrigley field is MILF paradise
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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