it hurts more in the daytime
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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