Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
wrigley field is MILF paradise
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
