If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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