Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
