you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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