yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
