i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
no you cant smoke seaweed
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
