I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize