Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
