You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
