so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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