Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
