I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
