real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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