you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why can't burritos get me drunk
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
