either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
