My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
