you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
