it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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