Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
