Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
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Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
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No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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