The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
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Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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