I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
