I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
