She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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