This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
