Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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