I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
