The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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