dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
