Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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