Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
