3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
