Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
