I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
