Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I can't turn off my feet"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
