Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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