She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize