how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
