he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
