i don't like sucking hair
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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