Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
