umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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