can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
