at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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