dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
