my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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