he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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