if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
